In Her Own Firmament

This is a 14x17 inch piece made with charcoal and pastel on heavy-weight paper. This is a portrait of an Hispanic woman with pale skin with very little color. She’s wearing a tan dress that almost blends in with her complexion that hugs her body tightly while revealing her right leg (from the audience perspective) as there’s a slit in the dress. Her expression is fairly blank with a subtle hint of confidence and her hair is styled in a bun or perhaps ponytail with her evidently edges (baby hairs) laid. The woman is wearing a cross necklace around her neck that is slightly hidden under her dress. Surrounding her, from above but also her left and right, are the silhouettes of 3 children; Shining or perhaps highlighted in a soft baby blue hue. The one above and the one on her left can be assumed to be boys while the one on her right is a girl, given the small ponytails on her head. The child above her has a halo highlighted in the same blue hue which indicates that this spirit and/or entity is an angel and is in heaven. The background is dark and gloomy with no color at all but yet it is still serene. The sky is a dark gray that fades to black and so are the clouds while the source of light comes from a white sun or moon, that is left up to the viewers interpretation. Below the horizon is a vast ocean that completely reflects the sky as if it is just a mirror placed on the ground.

This woman is someone I know personally. I’ve thought about whether or not if I should say her name, but I feel as though that it is only right if I do in order to convey my feelings coherently. Her name is Ysenia, and she is a beautiful woman that I admire and I’ve had feelings for. I made this piece because I wanted to illustrate the beauty that she possesses, not just her outward appearance but as well as her soul. The title of this piece is called “In Her Own Firmament”, I gave it this title because it refers to the vault or the expanse of the sky and it shows possession as if it all belongs to her. This is indeed her Firmament, her sky, her world in a sense. Ysenia is not someone who sees herself as someone who has control over the things in her life. She is someone who has fallen victim to life’s circumstances time and time again while courageously fighting through it. She’s inspiring in that sense because she’s strong and has the will to never give up, even on the days she wishes to. However, while this is indeed admirable it doesn’t have to be this way… she doesn’t have to continuously fight every single day while never knowing rest. Ysenia has great potential and has the ability to create something truly beautiful. This is her world after all, she has complete control of it. She’s wearing a cross necklace around her because this is a world that was simply given to her by God, she never had to fight for it because it’s already hers… she just doesn’t realize it quite yet.

The children-like silhouettes that surround her are her children that she keeps protected and happy within her firmament. Ysenia is a mother of 3 but she lost one during her pregnancy. These kids mean everything to her and her passion of being a mother is what made me develop feelings for her. I have a thing for passionate women and she also has a passion for music as she’s a singer.

During the process of making this piece I’ve realized my feelings for her as it was never something I thought about nor something I really tried to pursue. While dragging the charcoal across the paper and blending the pastels together to make the shape of her face, I thought about all the times she would sing for me and about the time she how she hugged me tightly as we said our goodbyes after watching a movie together. I realized that I wanted more moments like that, and that I never want them to end. I often thought about how she’s always so supportive and interested in my work. I’m sure we could talk all day about art and music if we wanted to; I romanticized the mere thought of that and yearned for her. Unfortunately I’m a romantic at heart but never in my actions so I’ve never told her this nor have I made any advancements towards her, It’s all just in my head… and now in my art. I realized that this will be the first of many pieces I make featuring her.

I’ve been meaning to start making art featuring people of other ethnicities and skin complexions as I’ve only made art for black people and just people who look like me. Lately, I’ve started thinking that my work should be more inclusive and diverse to reach a broader audience. The message and passion I possess shouldn’t be restricted to the eyes of a certain group of people. Ysenia will be someone who will help immortalize my work. I’ve never been good at romance but I’ve always been good at being an artist, and so, I shall express my romantic feelings for her by keeping her in my work. Expect to see her face more often in my future projects.

Usually, My art contains cultural significance or at least a message or concept that I’m conveying to the audience. This piece however doesn’t possess that, it’s strictly a personal piece. Perhaps someone can relate to this piece or relate to her. Maybe someone could realize that they’re also capable of great things and that you don’t have to struggle for something that is already yours. If this is you, please lemme know in the comments. I would love to hear your story<3. Do you guys think that I should maybe confess how I feel to her?